Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me. Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it. Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start bitching when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield. Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious. I’m not into Internet dating, but I am dating the Internet. If my girlfriend doesn’t start being nicer to me, I’m totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this shitty relationship for 2 more years.
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We’ve picked some of our favourite one-liners and shorter jokes from Britain’s finest comics to help us get through self-isolation.
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Any contributions to this collection welcome – email me! What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of orange. The barman says “still? Why do doctors slap babies’ bottoms as soon as they’re born? To knock the penises off the smart ones. When is it much better to be a woman than a man? When you are in the lavatory and the plane hits turbulence.
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Online dating doesn’t have to be all serious business. Show off your personality and capture that special someone’s attention from the first chat with a little humor like these funny one-liners and ice breaker jokes. Since you’re getting to know each other, and mostly communicating through dating websites, apps, chat rooms, and text messages why not tailor your opening line to these unique circumstances?
Take common tech terms and turn them into ultimate funny ice breakers for online dating your match will never forget. Internet dating and safety go hand-in-hand. Open with a comment on the other person’s looks by saying, “You must have a big firewall, being so hot and all. I’m looking for your personal information. Make light of the fact that your conversation isn’t actually a conversation, it’s an exchange of typed words with icebreaker jokes like these.
People on dating apps and websites sometimes seem to use their language. Use these common phrases and turn them into a winning icebreaker. Because I just breadcrumbed my way to your inbox.
Since you’re getting to know each other, and mostly communicating websites dating websites, apps, chat for, and text messages why not tailor your opening line to these unique circumstances? Take common tech terms and turn for into ultimate funny ice breakers for online dating your match will never forget. Internet dating and safety go hand-in-hand. Open with a comment for the other person’s looks by saying, “You must for a big for, being so hot and all. Make light of the fact that your conversation isn’t actually a conversation, it’s an exchange of typed words with icebreaker jokes like these.
Where linear, we’ll do the short and the linear and explain the joke. Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a costumes they spot a short rabbit. The first.
A joke that packs a punch while being basically wholesome is a rare gem, a chance for people of all ages to laugh hard together. Because while R-rated humor can become a crutch, making people laugh without invoking adult-only language is a real, rare talent. A funny clean joke is universal. Consider these clean jokes Lysol-ed: Not a filthy thing about them. These clever clean jokes will take you back to the days when you got a brain freeze from speed-eating your popsicle so you could read the joke of the day beneath the flavored ice.
Because they have little anty bodies. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie. Hi, bud! They planet.
All products are independently selected by our editors. If you buy something, we may earn an affiliate commission. We’ve picked some of our favourite one-liners and short jokes from Britain’s finest comics to help us get through self-isolation. At times like this, we need a laugh more than ever before. Which is why we at GQ turn to our favourite comedians: experts in revealing their every mental health tribulation, social deficit and failed relationship in the name of bathos, pathos and empathy.
While most of the time you might have to pay to see the UK’s best comics rip into for its multitude of flaws, we’ve got some of our favourite short, sharp jokes from the country’s best to get you through these dark times.
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Q: What did the artist say to his girlfriend? A: I really love you with all my art! Q: What book do women like the most? A: “Their boyfriends paycheck! A: Your Girlfriend. Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Your girlfriend make it hard! Q: How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? A: She fits into your wife’s clothes. Q: What does your girlfriend and a condom got in common? A: If they’re not on your dick they’re in your wallet. Q: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?
Q: What do you call your ex-girlfriend with Pms and Esp? A: A bitch who thinks she knows everything.
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Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who.
Is there any genre of humor more satisfying than a dad joke? We don’t think so. Because dad jokes aren’t like regular jokes. They’re multi-faceted and complex. They’re funny because they’re so desperately uncool that you’re not even sure whether to laugh or grimace. Yup, a dad joke is loosely defined as a groaner so corny that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee mug emblazoned with the phrase “World’s Best Father” to actually find it funny.
That’s unless you’re talking about the classic and hilarious dad jokes we’ve compiled right here. So read on, and enjoy—and make sure to send them to your own father figure. He’ll be thrilled to know you’ve finally come around to his sense of humor. All Rights Reserved. Open side menu button. Smarter Living. You don’t have to have kids to appreciate the corniest, punniest dad jokes of all time. By Bob Larkin July 31,